this is ridonkulous...

I've been "not dieting' since April or so. I've had some success in merely changing what I eat and the portions, but it's reached a plateau I do believe. It is hard to get in aerobic exercise w/my back being the way it is, and I have to be honest.The Wii fit is a great idea but I'm NOT amused at how chunky my "Mii' is, not to mention they TOTALLY misrepresented my ass. I mean, I may be a chunker but dammit, I got a cute lil pooper.No, really, I do. I molest myself sometimes, late at night, but I digress.

I still haven't kicked the Pepsi addiction totally. Some weeks, it's no problem to ignore it and just drink kool-aid w/splenda-like generic brand sweetener. (not bad if ice cold) Other weeks, I need a freakin' I.V. set-up and a 2ltr. on full drip at all times. Then...I get in these late night battles.I'm sitting there on the couch, watching something perhaps gratuitously violent or perhaps edukashunal, and all of the sudden, I'm at the donut counter at my local stop n rob, going hand to hand Glazed Jit-Su (brown belt/Maple) or even Cinammon Roll Savate. It's brutal. I usually lose to submission (I have no defense once against the cage..none) and it sux. Working on it and trying to find ways to burn off energy/fat while NOT causing my back to lock up so bad I can't feel anything from the thighs down and I get laid out on Vicodins (hate em) and a mini-skin based Hiroshima going, on my lower back, due to the tiger balm put on it.

I have found myself becoming bitter and of rancid thought process, since getting hurt in '06 and being stuck in the house much of the time. I am a social creature, by nature, and I make no apologies for that. However, being alone, feeling as if I am 'missing' something,despite the net and all it's wonderful opportunities, I have become negative and focused on trivial matters and things no one can do anything about until Doc.Brown comes back w/the dam DeLorean. This, as much as anything else, not only stifles my personal growth but also makes it near impossible to heal either physically or mentally, much less lose weight effectively. This is what I need to fix. Now, if I can just remember where I put my toolbelt....